


Cereal

by anonymousbadgermole



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Cereal Lover Dick Grayson, Crack, Damian’s not here only because the author was too lazy to add another character sorry, Fluff, Gen, Teen just because Jason is a Sweary Boi, Tim Drake makes morbid jokes, and serves only to show that the author is Cultured, manchild Dick Grayson, really just a tiny little warm-up, subtle and incredibly vague reference to Hijikata Toshirou, that is entirely irrelevant to understanding the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28558056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousbadgermole/pseuds/anonymousbadgermole
Summary: Bruce gifts Dick a box of oatmeal for Christmas.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really out here just trying to get more comfortable with sharing the things I write honestly there's no need to read this

Noon on December 26: the hour by which the last bat-brother had dragged himself from his bed to the oversized couch in the manor’s living room to half-watch whatever cartoons were on the TV. They were silent, still coming out of the post-Christmas stupor, Tim curled against Dick’s side, Dick’s feet propped on the coffee table, Jason leaning a suitable distance away with socks subtly pressed up against Dick’s leg.

The heavy front door creaked open and closed, followed by the sound of snow-covered boots stomping against the door mat and Alfred’s murmurings about getting the carpet wet. This did nothing to raise the boys from their daze.

Bruce clomped into the living room and plopped a container of oatmeal on the coffee table by Dick’s feet. “You’re too old for Lucky Charms, Dick,” he said, broad shoulders blotting out the shifting television light. “Eat this instead. Or better yet, don’t. Just drink a coffee. Black.”

The dark knight strode from the room, leaving his three sleepy sons blinking at the belated breakfast gift.

Tim tapped his index fingers together. “I mayy have showed him tumblr,” he confessed.

“What does that have to do with oatmeal?” asked Dick, brow furrowing.

Tim reached for his laptop - never more than an arm’s length away - and added another open tab to his several hundred to pull up the relevant page. He passed the laptop to Dick.

“Stop making Dick Grayson obsessed with cereal and put some respect on that name,” Jason read aloud. “Hah! As if _that_ name could carry any respect.”

“What?” Dick’s eyes went wide and confused. “People disrespect me for eating cereal?”

“For being _obsessed_ ,” corrected Tim.

“I’m not obsessed.” Dick crossed his arms. “It’s a quick, easy, tasty breakfast item for the days when I sleep in.”

“Ah, see, there’s the manchild thing again though,” nodded Jason sagely. “Oversleeping.”

“At least I eat it with almond milk. Does that make it better? Here, comment that.” Dick grabbed the laptop and set to typing.

“I don’t think that’s gonna help with the ‘respect’ issue,” drawled Jason, leaning his head back into his hands with elbows wide.

Tim was staring into space, fiddling with a strand of hair. “I can’t believe Bruce told you to drink black coffee. Everyone knows that’s mine.”

“You have one too?” Jason sat up straight now. “Why don’t I? I need one.”

“Mayo,” suggested Dick, still typing.

Jason wrinkled his nose. “What? Who eats just mayonnaise?”

“Dirt.”

For a moment, the couch was quiet, the implications of Tim’s murmured contribution sinking in. 

“HEY.” Jason launched himself at the snickering teen, Dick scrambling to save the laptop from being crushed.

Thirty minutes later, the living room was covered in feathers and oats. Alfred scolded the children of the manor with a suppressed smile, mentally adding Lucky Charms to his grocery list for the week and dreading the day when Dick would slink back to his apartment and Jason would steal off to who-knows-where and the manor would lose this light and life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...okay yes this is based on a real post I saw (on Twitter, not Tumblr) but PLEASE NO SHADE I SWEAR I just thought it was funny and wanted to join the Discourse™.
> 
> On that note, does anyone know if Jason has an associated food item? I actually don’t know.


	2. Chili Dogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason joins the club and hopes they have free t-shirts because his has chili on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I want to practice sharing things I write, even if they're silly!
> 
> Also me: *bangs this out in half an hour and lets it sit on my google drive for a month*
> 
> Many thanks to everyone who educated me in the comments of the original chapter. This addendum is for you.

Dick was early to the morning meeting, of course he was. Jason should’ve planned for that. Should’ve finished his breakfast an hour ahead of time, to be safe. But he hadn’t, and now he was sitting on the sofa of the safehouse, caught red-and-sticky-handed by Dick’s entrance and facetious “Oh? Whatchu got there?”

Jason angled his body away from Dick, shoving as much of the thing into his mouth as physically possible. Unfortunately, in his haste, a glob of chili oozed onto his jacket.

“Messy,” noted Dick. He took a performative sniff of the air, scrunching his nose. “Smelly.”

Jason wanted nothing more than to tell the man to fuck off and let him eat his breakfast in peace, but he was pretty sure attempting to convey that sentiment with his mouth stuffed with chili dog would only heighten the humiliation. He settled for glaring at the wall and munching fast as he could while Dick ramped up his bit.

“You’ve clearly put some thought into this, Jaybird,” said Dick with mock seriousness. “It does really complement your image.”

Jason gave him a resolute middle finger, but Dick went on like he hadn’t seen. “I mean, the vibes I’m getting off this. Like…kid at Coney Island, plus college freshman piling everything in the cafeteria on one plate, with - ah, yes - just a touch of scraggly old biker dude hiding the potbelly beneath a leather jacket.”

Jason noticed too late the camera of Dick’s phone pointed at him.

“It works for you.” Dick grinned like a shark at the photo he’d obtained. “Though it might work against you later, if you know what I mean.”

“Fuck off,” Jason finally managed through the last mouthful of chili dog. He made a swipe for Dick’s phone, but the acrobat twirled out of reach.

“Yes, I think the fans are going to be very happy with your choice,” Dick said, uploading the picture to his new tumblr account.

“It’s not my choice.” Jason wiped angrily at the chili sauce on his chin with the back of his arm. “This is not like your cereal thing.”

“You’re eating it for breakfast,” remarked Dick.

Aware as he was that chili dogs at 9:30am was unusual, Jason couldn’t find it in him to feel ashamed. “Not _obsessive_. It’s just fucking good, okay?”

“I’m gonna tell Tim to print this and hang it in the cave.”

“Damn you.” Jason rolled his eyes and sank into the couch, waiting for Dick’s amusement to wear itself out.

“This makes me a bit hesitant to go on stakeout with you later, you know?”

Jason prayed to the ceiling for it to end, ruing the day he’d opened his big mouth about Dick’s cereal.


End file.
